Baby Caleb

My sis-in-law and brother had their baby this morning around 2:00 am. His name is Caleb. He was 8lbs 5oz and he was 20 inches long. He is so beautiful. I haven't got to see him yet but my parents showed me pictures.

Thing 2's heart beat

The video is more for audio and not visual-so close your eyes if you want:-)
So for those of you that did not know, I am pregnant. We didn't tell a lot of people because I wasn't real confident that things would be OK (considering the last pregnancy). We had our 12 week appointment today. Finally got to hear the heartbeat. This put me more at ease. It sounds strong. It took the nurse a minute to find it because the baby kept moving away. We have a little swimmer that doesn't like to be bothered. Everything looks good.

Poor Baby

We went to sushi for dinner and they gave us green tea ice cream for dinner. Cooper mistook the wasabi for a bit a ice cream and put the whole chunk in his mouth. He started screaming and spit it out but I can only imagine how hot his mouth must have been. He was ready to go home after that. I did the bad mommy thing and gave him a sucker. That calmed him down:-)

We Love You Cooper

Yes, I know I sound like a 2 year old but apparently that is what happens when you put me on camera. Cooper is staying with his Nana and Papa in AZ while we go to Bermuda. We made the video for him incase he gets lonely and wants to see us.

My parents came and picked Cooper up and left on Thursday morning. I had kind of a rough day. I was in and out of tears until Ken got home from work later that afternoon. Then we went to see "Where the wild thing are". It was good but left me feeling heavy and melancholy.

Today we spent the morning packing and getting the last of our stuff together. Then we went and had a nice lunch and then over to Burke Williams. I got a pedicure and Ken just hung out in the men's amenities room. After we had a nice early dinner then home and off the bed early. We have to get up at 3:30 to be at the airport tomorrow at 5:00 am. Yuck!! But I am sure Bermuda will be worth it. Catch up with you all when we get home.

We are pregnant!

When I missed my period last month I thought I might be but the test all came out negative (I think I took 4) then the following week Ken told me to take another one just to be sure. I took it and then set it on the counter and walked out. I didn't think it would be positive but it was. I still didn't believe it so I took another the next day. Then another the following week just to absolutely sure. So...apparently I really am pregnant. I have my first appointment next Tuesday.

We told our parents by putting Cooper in a shirt I found that says "mom's knocked up." I thought it was the funniest thing.

We are excited but because of what happened last time I still feel guarded. I think that is why I needed to take so many tests. I know I will come around but right now I am not planning too much.

Now I know my ABC's

Cooper has started to say his ABC's. He is doing pretty good. His letter recognition is not that good yet but he know a few letters. "O" is his favorite letter to point out. He amazes me everyday with the amount of stuff he knows.

Hilary is doing much better

Thank you all for your prayers while my mother-in-law was in the hospital. Sorry I haven't updated on her condition. She is doing much better. She is home. She will be on IV antibiotics for about a month to make sure the infection does not return. She is still feeling slow but that is to be expected after spending a week out of commission. She really thought she was going to die so she is tremendously happy with the outcome. The hospital lost all of the stuff they were going to send to pathology (the fluid form the abscess on the liver, the polyp they removed from her colon and the stool sample they took). Nice! But she had a scan a few days ago and they are satisfied that the abscess is not filling back up so they don't seem too worried about it. Again, thank you all for you prayers, they are greatly appreciated.

Lego Play Time (cause mommy needs to chill)

It was so much fun hanging out with Cooper yesterday afternoon. After I finished freaking out about the pee issues I got out his Legos and we played for probably half and hour. Then he spent another half hour watching himself on video. He loved repeating himself. In case you can't understand what he is saying it goes something like this...
Tower falling down.
He can build it.
Sorry mom.
I want to pick up the tower.
I need a new piece (repeated).
What you doing?
Ends with...Cheese!

Super Frustrated

I am at my wits end with Cooper. He is throwing a fit at the drop of a hat and then seems to calm down within a few minutes for no apparent reason. His potty training is going nowhere right now. He started off doing so well and now he just pees his pants. He has even peed in his car seat several times in the past few days (and our trips aren't that long). The only time he uses the toilet is when I make him. He doesn't go on his own anymore. I don't know what happened but I can't handle cleaning up pee all the time. I put him back in a diaper just now. He doesn't seem to care. I feel like I am moving backwards. His behavior is declining. He doesn't seem to have a whole lot of middle ground. Either he is super sweet and making me laugh or he is a total pain. I really don't know what to do other then try to hold my temper. Any advise would be greatly appreciated. Please help me Lord!

Good News

Good news!! They drained the mass on Hilary's liver and found that it was just an abscess. They left a drain in it to make sure it empties all the way. She will be able to go home with the drain in. She will need to go back to the hospital in 6-7 days to have the drain removed and have another scan to make sure everything is still OK. This is what could have caused the anemia as well, so she shouldn’t have to worry about that in the future. Hopefully she will be coming home soon. Thank all so much for your prayers.

Update for Hilary

Yesterday Hilary had a colonoscopy and a stomach scope. They didn't find anything of consequence. Just the normal stuff you get as you age...colitis, gastritis, and an ulcer. Good news but they still don't know what is causing the anemia or the mass on her liver.
This morning they are going to try to drain the mass using a large needle. Hopefully this will work and they can avoid surgery. Thank you for your continued prayers. I know Hilary appreciates it.
Please check back often. I will continue to update as I know more.

Hilary (Ken's mom) in the hospital

Hilary was admitted to Whittier Presbyterian on Saturday August 28. She had gone in the day before (Friday) due to extreme fatigue. She was having trouble walking without becoming winded. They had done a bunch of tests with no conclusive results. They called her back on Sunday and told her to come back in. More tests were done and they found a large mass on her liver. Sunday night the doctor finally came in with some results. The mass on her liver is about the size of a man's fist. It is inconclusive as to what it is exactly or what caused it. The most important thing they needed to deal with was the fact that she was extremely anemic. To the point where they were very concerned. The doc said she needed to take on a few pints of blood to get her iron levels back up. This was the kind of bad that wasn’t just going to go away with iron supplements and a change of diet. Before they could administer the blood Hilary spiked a fever so they had to bring that down. They finished giving her the blood about 8:30 this morning. There was no significant change in the way she felt but this afternoon (about 11) she was feeling a little better and her color was starting to return. The nurses had noticed she sounded raspy so she was taken to have a chest x-ray. After the doctor is comfortable with her iron levels he is going to order a colonoscopy and a stomach scope to rule-out cancer in those areas. I will keep you posted as I know more. Please pray for the doctor to find out is going on, to make the right diagnosis, for Hilary's peace of mind, and a quick recovery.

random pics of the boy

These were taken on July 23, 2009. All I wanted to do was take a shower. I forgot that Cooper had learned how to unscrew the lids on things, like my mascara. When I got out of the shower, this is how I found him. He didn't like it when i cleaned him off so I reminded him that i wouldn't have to clean him if he would stay out of my stuff. That boy, I swear! Drives me crazy but I love him so much and laugh at him just as often!!That afternoon we went to the water play area by our house and I took this picture. Cooper would run and play then come back and stand in this particular place and cough. It was the funniest thing. He must have done it at least a dozen times. A little strange by hilarious all the same.

I love these photos of Cooper. He was being so cute just snuggling with his blanket on the back patio. These were taken August 13, 2009.

Long Beach Aquarium

Ken had the day off because they had to do some computer repairs at work so we went to the Aquarium. Ken has been working a lot so it was really nice to spend some time together as a family. Cooper had a great time. No doubt, his favorite part was the water play outside. I like the Rainbow Lorikeets. They were actually kind of scary because they would fly right at your head and buzz you.

Yes this seal is upside down. He just hung out in front of the window like that for the longest time. I thought it was pretty cool.Ken thought this sign was hilariuos. This bird was sitting on a hand rail. I put my hand out and it jumped right up my arm, over my shoulder and then onto my backpack. I think it could smell the snacks. Cooper in the water play area. He loved this part.
Cooper likes being the ship's captain.My little monkey loves running!This is one of my favorite shots of him. He is standing at a tank full of clown fish babies. He thought it was Nemo heaven.Cooper wasn't very interested in being held right then.

A little fun with Cooper

I didn't realize I added these videos together. The first one is Cooper playing at a small water park down the street on July 23, 2009. The second one is Cooper painting his first masterpiece on August 19,2009. Enjoy.

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Potty success

I think Cooper is doing really well using the toilet. He had a bad day yesterday. He peed his pants like 4 times but yesterday was a bad day for all of us. We just all needed a break from each other. Anyway, today he finally started telling me "I have to pee in the toilet" so I could take him if we were in public. In my exercise class he told me mid class, once on the playground (which is huge because he had to stop playing to go the toilet) and then once at a friends house. We are so proud of him. I really think he is getting the hang of it. I will keep you posted on his progress.

Next month we are going to my parents in AZ. It is a 6-7 hour drive so it will be interesting to see how he does then.

Potty Time

Cooper decided last night that he was ready to use the potty. For about a month now I hvae been letting him run around the house naked. When he has to pee he runs outside and pees in the backyard. I always try to get him to go in the potty but he always tells me "I no like it!" and runs away. Last night I had his potty outside and he decided to use it finally. He faces the toilet like he is going to stand up and pee but then he kind of squats over it. It looks terribly awkward but he gets most of the pee in the bowl so who am I to judge. Instead of putting him in underware I just put shorts on him. He seems to get this better. i think he might have been getting confussed between the diaper and thinking the underware would absorb the pee. Anyway, he peed in the toilet 4 times last night. I thought I would try again this morning. He didn't seem interested. He peed on the footstool, the couch and the floor. I finally took his shorts off and left his shirt on. He proceeded to use the toilet 7 times in a row with no accidents. Most of the time he didn't even tell me he just went. I finally put his shorts back on and he asked for help taking them off when he thought he had to go. I am so proud of him. For nap I was going to put him in training pants but he said "no, I want a diaper" so I went ahead and put him in one. This seems like a really good start to him training himself.

O'Neil Regional Park

We went camping with some friends this last weekend. We had a great time but vowed never to go camping in the summer again. Unless we go out of state to somewhere cooler or more tropical. It was 100 degrees which means grumpy land for everyone. Ken and I left around 3:30 on Saturday to go to the grocery store because it was so hot we just needed an air condition break. It was really nice hanging out and letting all the kids play. It is amazing the friendships that have come our way in the past few years. Having a kid has changed our lives so much. Most all of it for the good. I am truly blessed to have such a wonderful family. And our friends only make that so much better.

A nice weekend

Ken had Friday the 3rd off for Independence day. We washed cars and then while Cooper was napping Ken got a call from his friend Jimmy. For Ken's birthday he wanted to have dinner at the restaurant he took his sushi lessons, Bar-Hayama in LA. Jimmy lives near there and goes to the restaurant all the time so Ken thought it would be nice for Jimmy and his fiance Terra to join us. So when Cooper woke up, we packed his bag and took him to his grandma and grandpa's to spend the night. It really is nice to have the night off every once in a while.

We arrived at the restaurant a little early and discovered it was metered parking. About a block away I saw a good looking bakery so we walked over there to get dessert first and ask for change. It turned out to be a Persian bakery filled full of great looking desserts. The tables where full of unmarked boxes of yummies. I picked one that looked good and we also got 2 chocolate eclairs. The lady rang us up and told my $17.25. I think the look on my face must have been quite alarming. She said that the box in my hand was $15. I almost choked. But we went ahead and got it anyway. I called them my little bags of gold. The eclairs were excellent and my little bags of gold were pretty good too but I don't think they were worth $15. It was like eating baklava with rose water and honey.

Dinner was soooo good. Jimmy ordered all kinds of appetizers, a few rolls and some sashimi. I think my favorite was the Garlic Edamame. We also had sauteed shishitou (a roasted pepper w/soy sauce), spinach gomaae (spinach w/sesame sauce), tofu salad, crispy rice w/spicy tuna (not so good-I didn't like the raw tuna-but I tried it so I give myself credit), and more but I can't remember. We ended with banana tempura with vanilla ice cream and green tea ice cream. Everything was good. Even if I didn't like it, it was still good to look at. I loved that place.

Saturday we woke up and felt extremely motivated to work around the house. Ken finally fixed the drain in the bath tub. It actually drains now. We don't think it has drained this good since we owned the house. I was in over drive to clean. The house looked really good. We picked Cooper up from Gma & Gpa's house and went to our friend's, Lily and Ryan, house for a BBQ. They have recently had a baby and they have one of those vibrating baby chairs. I don't know why Cooper thought this was the thing to do but he got inside and laid down. He even put the baby's pacifier in his mouth. He probably sat in that thing for 20 minutes. That is out of the ordinary for Cooper, to say the least. He was so stinkin cute. Cooper then decided he wanted to go swimming. I didn't have his floaties but it was a shallow "dough boy" so I thought it would be OK. Ryan handed me some arm floaties to put on Cooper. When I tried to, he turn and tried to run but fell instead. Under the water he went. His life flashed before my eyes. I apparently yanked him out of the water so fast it was comical. Water really freaks me out. We stayed for a little while longer and then went home to comfort our dogs from the big bad fireworks.

It really was a nice weekend. I hope you all had a good 4th too.

Trip to Nana & Papa's

Cooper loves riding in Papa's tractor. As we started getting closer to the house Cooper kept saying "I ride Papa's tractor." This time Papa let him drive. They have 9 acres of dessert so there wasn't much he could run into. He really is a country boy.

On Saturday we decided to go for a ride on the bikes. This is Ken.

My parents bought a new razor and we thought Cooper would love to ride in it. We haven't ridden since February so it was nice to get back on the bikes, even if it was just a super easy ride. Where they live, you ride down to their back fence and you can cross over into state land. Ride to the other side of that property and you get to a more rural neighborhood with dirt roads. We just rode aimlessly around there. It was nice and Cooper really liked the razor.

Cooper is enjoying a yummy popsicle after a long, dusty ride.

Just like Papa.

My dad has a habit of keeping toothpicks hanging out of his mouth. This is one of my moms pet peeves. She said that he used to have one in his mouth, suck it in and then kiss her. She hated it. I think it is funny.
My parents bought the grandkids a little quad. Cooper went on his first solo ride. Granted it was maybe only 100 feet but it was under his own thumb power. I think it frightened him a little but I am sure he will become a very good rider. Ken is super excited. He kept telling me, "He went on his first ride!" Oh, don't worry, he was wearing his helmet when the bike was on.

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Ken decided to take a spin on Cooper's bike too. I think it works for him.


When we got home I took him and got his hair cut. He looks so much older. I couldn't get him to look at the camera but you get the idea. He is so handsome.

Father's Day

Saturday we decided we would go up to Big Bear. We did this for Mother's day last year and really enjoyed ourselves. We got a much later start to the day then we had hoped for but it turned out OK. We let Cooper wake us up and he didn't get up until 7:30. We had pancakes and fried ham for breakfast. Then enjoyed some playtime with Cooper. He desperately needed to play cars with daddy so I took the opportunity to shower alone (yeah). Ken was finally released from Cooper's clutches to have a shower for himself and i tried to gather our supplies for lunch and the trip up. So, needless to say we left late and didn't arrive in Big Bear (on the 38 side of the mountain) until 11:30.

We decided to stop over by a cabin owned by some people we know. It is in a very nice secluded part of the forest. Nobody was there using the place so we thought it would be a nice place for lunch. We thought about going for a walk first and set out behind the cabin. As we walked down the hill, we heard a very strange noise. I looked around and our dogs seemed OK, Cooper was fine, but the noise continued. It then occurred to me that we were hearing a coyote yelping at us. It was a little frightening at first but after we understood the message (we were being told to "GO AWAY!!!) we just turned around and walked away. Cooper then began shaking and telling us, "I scare a coteyo, I scare a coteyo" at which point Ken and I both laugh at him. He is so funny when he plays the scared card. The yelping subsided after a minute and we felt comfortable to continue our walk in another direction. It was a really cool experience after we realized none of us were in danger. I was soooo gald our dogs didn't try to take more interest in the sounds.

After we wandered around for a little bit-giving the coyote time to cool off-we went back to the cabin and had lunch at the picnic table outside. It is so quiet there. We had a very nice time. After lunch we went walking again. We thought we would give Cooper and the dogs some more time to tire outso they would sleep on the way home. Didn't happen though. Cooper was almost asleep but we decided to go through the A&W drive-thru. That was too exciting for Cooper. He found his second wind and managed to stay awake the whole ride home. We didn't get home until 3:45 so it was too late to try to put him down at home. Remarkably, he did wonderfully. He didn't melt down or get cranky near bedtime. God really does answer prayers sometimes:-)


On Sunday, after church, Ken started the smoker for dinner. Dave & Hilary (Ken's parents) arrived around 3. We had smoked london broil with corn on the cob and for dessert Hilary brought a peach cobbler. It was so good. I ate way too much. It was a very nice, easy day.

Cooper's 2 year check up

I took Cooper to the doctor for his well check. Doc said Cooper is doing good. I was surprised to find out that, according to the chart, Cooper is overweight-just by a pound or two-but still. However, our doctor is blind-no really-no joke. Not totally but nearly. Anyway, I came home and checked the chart for myself and he is 75% on both height and weight. He is 30 lbs and 34 3/4 inches tall. When i expressed my concern about Cooper's eating habits he told me that any kid that eats good at this age is fat. Cooper is not a good eater so this made me feel a little better.
Cooper was scheduled for one shot-HepA-which he did not care for. he cried until we walked out of the room. The nurse gave him a lolly pop. He tried to take the whole container but I tole him, "no, just one". So he took one and I unwrapped it for him. The doc was standing there and was all impressed that he knew what 1 was and that he followed directions. Then Cooper told the doc "a blue one". My little show off. The doc was happy about that too. Looks like Cooper gets a star.

Update

Cooper's eye infection cleared up in a few days and his ear infection never seemed to bother him. He slept fine and wasn't fussy so I think it was a good first experience with an ear infection.

Today was the last day of swimming lessons and I didn't go. Cooper hated it from the beginning and it is just not worth it to me to struggle with him. It's not like we have a pool or he is near deep water all the time. I thought I would just take him to the beach and let him play in the water there. I am also going to try to take him to the water park where the lessons were. I don't know how that will go over though because he starts crying in the parking lot of the place telling me "no swimming, no swimming". It really is sad and I don't want to traumatize him. If all else fails, we can just try again next year.

Ken is still really enjoying his new job. The only down to it is sometimes he has to take time off with no pay because there is just not enough work. That is kind of hard because we are just scraping by and then when he misses a whole day of pay, it can be hard to recover from that. We have been trying to do better with our finances lately. We have put ourselves on a cash diet. We have been good this last month about making weekly menus and then going shopping for the food all at one time so I don't go to the store and impulse buy all the time. I think this will really save us money. Anyway, I really enjoy the extra time we get to spend together but not having the money kind of stinks. But we will make it work.

At church we have started a challenge. We are reading the bible in 90 days. It works out to be about 15 pages a day. So far we are doing really good. We haven't fallen behind yet. In fact we are a little ahead because we anticipated our flaky behavior and started early. Right now we are in numbers. This is super dull reading. Hopefully things will spice up soon. We also started a new study with our small group. It is about love and respect in marriage. We have only watched the first section but so far it seems funny and looks like we might just learn a lot.

We are going to visit my parents next week. I am looking forward to that. They bought a new off road vehicle so we plan to do a little riding.

Well, I guess that is it for right now. I am really trying to keep up with this from now on. I am going to update it on Mondays when Ken is at band rehearsal for church. That is the plan anyway. We will see how it works out.

Cooper's fabulous black eye

So, Thursday (June 11) night Cooper was jumping around and made eye contact with the wall. He got a spectacular bump. I iced it for a few minutes but holding a struggling, screaming child is difficult when you are not trying to apply ice so that didn't last too long. It didn't look too bad but the next morning his eye was swollen half shut and the bruise was coming out. The coloring got progressively worse until Sunday. The pic above was taken Friday morning.
This is Friday afternoon.
This is Saturday afternoon.
This was taken Monday night. I love the yellow/green color.

First ear infection

I took Cooper to the docs this morning. He had green goop in his eye on Saturday night and then again Sunday morning. It was clear until last night and he had a lot. The doc said he has the beginning of an ear infection and an eye infection to go with it. I asked the doc about the swimming lessons and he said to lay off until his eye clears up. Hopefully that will just be a few days but that means we can't go back until next week. We got some eye drops and an antibiotic. I was expecting a major fight to put the eye drops in but he did pretty good. Hopefully that will last.

San Diego Zoo

Cooper loves his uncle dodo (that is what Cooper calls him).

For some added fun to Cooper's birthday, we took him to the zoo. We haven't been since he was about 3 weeks old. We went with nana, papa, grammy, grampy, aunt mimi & uncle dodo. It was really nice and Cooper really liked it. He was sooooooooo good. He even found it in his heart to take a nap in his stroller.

I think this is funny. Nana is the spider and Cooper is a fly caught in her web. When she says "I'll eat you up" I guess she means it.
These are elephant radio collars. I think it puts it into perspective just how big elephants are when a 2 year old walks through the collar.
This is Cooper's new bike trailer/stroller. He loves it. It is so roomy. We were able to lay him back and he took a fabulous nap. I think he slept over an hour. That is something to talk about considering his sleep history.

We really had an excellent time.

Cooper's 2nd Birthday

I made this cake. It was just boxed yellow cake with vanilla pudding in the middle. Ken made the frosting-butter cream, yum. Then I decorated it with peanut, regular, and mini M&M's. It was really good. If I do say so myself.
We had a very nice party here at home. We invited a few friends from my Stroller Strides group and from church. Cooper seemed to really enjoy having all of his friends here.
Michelle (my sister-in-law) made these super cute cupcakes. As some of you may know, monkey is our special name for our family members.
Cooper did an excellent job blowing out his candle. He didn't even come close to burning himself this year.
I think this might be the only thing Cooper ate at the party. Oh, and a cup cake, of course.

He got a lot of presents. He is so spoiled. His nana and papa bought him a twin bed and we put it together the day before the party. Grammy and grampy bought the mattress for the bed. So he is officially a big boy, when it comes to sleeping at least. He also got a wagon and some really cool tonka trucks, a Thomas train track, bubble blower, more digging trucks and some books and videos. He was in heaven. He loved playing with all of his friends and toys.

2nd day of swim

Cooper still hates swimming lessons. He cried and screamed the whole time again. My parents were in town so they took video of my lovely child screaming his head off. If I ever get the software for my video camera to download them to my computer, I will post the video.

Starting over-Swimming lessons

OK so I know I haven't been too good at keeping this updated but I am going to try to start again. I thought today was as good a day as any.

We had our first swimming lesson today. Cooper hated it. He did OK at the beginning. It seemed like he wanted to get in the water but as soon as we got in all he wanted to do was get out. He was not subtle about wanting to get out either. He was screaming quite loudly. Once I tried to dunk him he lost it. I don't think blowing in his face worked and he got water up his nose. He kept yelling "NO UNDER!" over and over. I tried going under myself and holding him above water but that didn't help. I stayed in the water with him trying to participate in the class but I got out about 5 min before it was supposed to be over. The class is every Tuesday and Thursday for 5 or 6 weeks. I really hope he gets more comfortable in the water. I will try to keep this updated with how he is doing.

Multipule Presonalities

Last night Cooper was being a pill. During dinner he was constantly trying to get in our laps and whining about everything. Ken finally put Cooper on the ground and told him to find something to do. He wanted to watch TV but we have a no TV policy while eating so that was out. So he continued to disrupt the peace until we were done eating. After dinner Cooper roller his little stroller over in front of the fire and sat down. Ken & I sat on either side of him to enjoy the fire as well. Cooper lifted his foot and told me "tickle?" He wanted me to touch his foot real nice. So I did. Then Ken tried to but he kept hitting him away and telling him "no". So I stopped and told Cooper he was not being nice and Daddy just wanted to love him. Ken tried once again to touch him and i reached over to touch the same leg. Cooper allowed that. Then I moved over and began touching his other leg. Cooper began to relax. He laid his head back and it kind of rolled to the side. He let us "tickle" him for a few minutes and then he turned his head to look at me. He actually drooled when he turned his head. Then he said "nice". Ken and I had to restrain our laughter. He was so sweet. It surprises us sometimes how quickly he can change personalities.

Dr. Appointment

We had another check up. The doc seemed surprised that nothing had happened yet. She said my hormone levels are probably still high. She did another ultrasound to confirm that the sac is still empty. We scheduled the D & C for Monday the 16th @ 10:00 am. I am happy to be on the road to finality. I'm sure my emotions will still be crazy for awhile but at least the physical part is almost over.

Day by day

Wednesday was a difficult morning. I cried off and on and had a hard time catching my breath. I felt like my chest was being crushed by the pressure of the depression. But things looked up by the afternoon. We (Cooper & I) took the train down to San Juan Capistrano to a petting zoo called Zoomars. We had a we fun time with the animals and our friends from Stroller Strides. I was exhausted by the time we got home. Once I got Cooper down for his nap, the anxiety came back and I couldn't stop thinking about everything that had happened. Ken and I took some homeopathic pills to help us calm down and sleep better and we were in bed at 9:00. A full night sleep did us both good.

Thursday was better. I had a good attitude most of the day and then I went to MOPS that night. I love MOPS and the women in my group. I had such a good time that night.

Friday was back to feeling a little depressed. I felt like (but didn't) crying all morning. Random things would make me well up with tears but they didn't flow. I went to Stroller Strides and felt better being out and around other people. I went to Target and had lunch with my friend Kelli and then went home. I slept when Cooper slept but woke up feeling hormonal again. Once Ken cam e home we went out to try to get my mind to focus on other things. I started to feel sick to my stomach so we came home and I laid on the couch until Cooper bath was over and then got up to put him in bed. Once he was down Ken & I went to bed.

Today is a good day again. We mowed the yard and then went and had lunch. After lunch we went to the Arboretum at Cal State Fullerton and walked around. Cooper was fascinated by the bamboo. It was sad because there were no turtles and only a few ducks but the garden was so beautiful. We did see a few lizards though.

So we take this day by day, moment by moment. Be happy when we can and move through the tough times as best we can. Having Cooper around certainly makes thing easier. He has been a little extra lovey lately. We take that while we can.

This is hard

I didn’t sleep well last night. It seemed like every time I woke up I had the same thought, I’m not pregnant anymore, really. I prayed a lot too. I know the only thing I can do right now is try to release this all to God because I know I am not going to be able to make sense of my feelings. I find a little peace in that at least. I have a feeling this is going to be a long process. Both physically and mentally. I have actually cried a lot off and on so that is good. I know that will help me release some feelings. But it still hurts.

I am so thankful to have Ken by my side right now. He is such an awesome support to me. I know this is hard for him too but he just holds me like I am the only one in the world, the only one that matters. I don't know what I would do with out him.

Thank to all our friends and family. We really appreciate your support. It is so nice to know you are all there for us. We love you all.

Another turn on our rollercoaster

I had a doctor appointment today. She did an ultrasound to determine the health of the baby. When she looked she could find the yolk sac but it was empty. There was no longer a heartbeat. Nothing was there. So I am once again not pregnant. Only, my body doesn't know it yet. My uterus still thinks there is a baby. So I am waiting for my body to shed the remnants of the sac. Which means, yes, I have to go through another miscarriage. I have another doc appointment in 2 weeks. If I haven't shed the sac by then, I will have to have a DNC. I hope that my body does the work for two reasons. 1)it is more natural and 2)I have heard DNCs are painful.

Through out this whole process I have had a hard time accepting that things were going to turn out right or normal. I felt like even when we saw that heartbeat last time that something else was still going to happen. I couldn't find joy or happiness in the pregnancy. I truly believe that this was God protecting my heart. Ken and I are tired of this roller coaster and would like to get off now. We thank all of you for your thoughts and prayers.

A card from family

http://www.dayspring.com/ecards/card.asp?ID=018fcac2-rcm

This is a card that was sent by my Aunt Louise and Uncle Joe.

Duh

Last night Ken took me out on a date. I told him I needed to go out and just be with him. I wasn't interested in doing anything for Valentine's Day I just wanted to go out. We decided to go to a theater near the house that we felt would be the least busy considering the timing. There was a pub there that just opened up so we decided to try it. We sat down and when the server came to take our drink orders I ordered a Bass beer and Ken got a Guinness. We were sitting there talking and Ken leans over to me and whispers "We won't tell anyone that you are pregnant". I just looked at him in shock and then said "Damn it! I forgot!" I really had. I just thought a beer sounded good. So I had a little and then Ken finished it off for me. Man did I feel stupid. It was funny though.

Puddle Splashing

After my exercise class yesterday I let Cooper play at the park a little before the rain started again. There is a table near the play area that gets a pretty good size puddle next to it and of course Cooper went right for it. He and another boy, Camden, were playing around when a girl came over and asked if she could take their pictures. She was in a photography class and needed to complete a project. All the moms actually encouraged Cooper and Camden to jump and splash in the water. They had so much fun and got so wet. It was a great time and I really loved watching Cooper have fun in the water. He didn't even care that he was freezing.

Rollercoaster Pregnancy

I got a call from my doctor yesterday with the results from my blood work. Ken answered the phone and I hear him say "Hello Dr. Yong" so my ears perk up. He looks strange and then says "O...K...". So I become more interested. He then gives me this strange look and then says "she's still pregnant?". The doctor said I was still pregnant. She said my hormone levels doubled, which in 3 days is what a normal pregnancy would do. Naturally I freaked out. I literally was speechless. When I get my voice back the only thing I can say is "How is that possible?" I get on the phone with the doctor. She starts saying something like "You know, I spotted all through my pregnancy." I interrupt her by exclaiming, "I was not spotting!" I literally had chunks of tissue fall out of my body. I bled constantly for most all of Wednesday. On Thursday I was still spotting and shedding the lining or some sort of tissue. That is not normal. The doc says I need to go to an OB and get an ultrasound just to make sure everything is OK. I'm thinking "NO KIDDING!!!".

I get off the phone and really start freaking out. I almost can't breath normally. I start shaking and can't really finish any one thought or sentence that comes out of my mouth for a few minutes. I knew I needed to go see the doctor the next day so I start making arrangements for someone to watch Cooper so I am free to make the appointment at any time. I called my friend Kelli and left a message. But I needed answers right then so I called my sister-in-law and she said she would be able to watch Cooper for me. Kelli called back and I talked to her for a few minutes. She told me to just go to the doctor. Ken got on the phone with the insurance and made sure it would be OK. So, off we went to the docs.

I tried calling before hand but the phone was busy so we just drove over. They were able to see me with no problem. When I saw the doctor, she did the normal exam. She did some sort of scrap and then put it in a solution. I don't know if it was a PAP or what. We talked about what happened last Wednesday and she seemed unphased. I couldn't believe it. She said bleeding in the beginning of a pregnancy can be nothing to worry about. I asked about all of the tissue I expelled and she didn't say much but didn't make a big deal out of it either. After my pelvic exam I went into another room and she did an ultrasound. We were able to see that the baby was attached to the uterine wall (where it should be) and it was growing normally. We even saw the flicker of a heartbeat. So, I really am still pregnant. The nurse drew blood, I guess to check my hormone levels again) and I made an appointment for another 2 weeks. They are going to do an ultrasound again that day.

Needless to say Ken and I are in a state of shock and confusion. So far this has not been my version of an ideal pregnancy. First I was, then wasn't, now I am again. Ken came up with a theory that I might have been pregnant with twins and miscarried only one. I looked it up to see if it was possible. It is called vanishing twin syndrome.
http://multiples.about.com/cs/medicalissues/a/vanishingtwin.htm
http://www.americanpregnancy.org/multiples/vanishingtwin.html

From what I understand, this should be a normal, healthy pregnancy. It just started off a bit weird. I ask all of you reading this to please pray for us and our new baby. I will keep you posted here so if you want to see how we are doing just check this site. Thanks.

Doing Better

Yesterday I just hung out around the house and did laundry. Cooper was awesome. He kept me company and just sat with me. He almost never does that so I really appreciate it. He watched TV and played in his room all day. I sat with him, not wanting to do much because I still didn't feel all that great. I tried to make sure I ate enough and rested plenty.
Last night I went to Stubrick's Steakhouse in Fullerton and met some of the ladies from my exercise group. We had a nice time eating, laughing, and talking. It was nice to go be a person again.
I went to the Cerritos Mall this morning and just walked around with Cooper. We/he played a little in the play area but we had to leave because my charming young man hit a few kids so, off we went.

My boy

This is how Cooper helps me do the laundry

Cooper thought it would be a good idea to finger paint with his yogurt instead of eating it.

Oh, this is heaven!!

OOOO, yeah! Can I have some more?

He got a little messy so he thought he might try to clean up. It didn't work so well.

Rough day

Last Thursday I took a pregnancy test and it came out positive. Ken and I were not expecting to be pregnant right now. We were quite shocked. Anyway, I was exercising this morning and felt leakage. I went to the bathroom and found a lot of blood. I went straight to the doctor and confirmed that I was having a miscarriage. I had a blood test and then I have to go to a clinic on Saturday for more blood work. If my hormone levels have not gone down then I will have to have a DNC. But I think, with the amount of blood and clotting I have had, that won’t be an issue.

Right now I am very tired. I feel like I have the flu. I feel bloated and crampy. But other than that, I am fine, we are both fine. We hadn’t quit gotten used to the idea of me being pregnant plus I honestly knew something else was coming. I told Ken over the weekend that I felt like being pregnant wasn’t the last surprise. I felt like we were either going to have twins, the baby was going to have some sort of disability or it wasn’t going to go full term. I guess the latter was correct.

Our little man

Cooper is doing awesome lately. He has been listening better, eating better, and just generally has a better attitude. He is growing up so fast. It is fun to see how much he is learning. He is doing great with his colors. He know green, yellow, and blue almost consistently. He is so active too. I have to make sure to go somewhere with him almost everyday or he gets bored. I will post pictures later.

A visit with friends

The woman who used to teach our Stroller Strides class, Christine, moved back to AZ. She was here because most of her family is here and her kids both have their birthday's in January. We were planning on meeting at the park we exercise at, but wouldn't you know it, it was raining. So, Michelle invited us over to her house. Cooper helped me make cookies the day before. He likes cookie dough about as much as me.

Cooper, Megan (on floor) and Keira (in chair) playing

Cloe, Gracie, Cooper, Ashlyn, Isaac, Keira, Emily, Megan
These are some of Cooper Striding buddies.

Isn't that a lovely face. He really did enjoy the cupcake.